Owned Boy

Those who have read some of these pages know that i prefer to write from a humorous point of view.  i think this posting is going to be of a more serious nature, as the last of LadyHotchKiss’s play sessions with me was of a more serious nature. W/we got back to some basics, which caused me to consider whether what we do is truly play or not.

As an Owner and a Domme, there are none better than LadyHotchKiss.  But that does not give you Her complete picture as She is also a Sadist.  It is a separate and distinct part of Her personality, something She brings to the relationship as an addition to rather than a part of Her Dominance. It is a side of Her that needs attention just as much as She needs obedience, just as much as Her House needs handyman work.  It is a part of Her that needs “service”. In my humble opinion, exercising Her sadism is as necessary to Her state of mind, Her peace of mind, Her mental well-being, as is a good night’s sleep, or a satisfying conclusion to a piece of work.  Without exercising Her sadism, something is missing from Her life and it affects Her just as missing any other necessary component of Her life would affect Her.

As a slave, i am also submissive.  And that too, is a distinct and separate part of who i am and what i bring to a relationship.  One can be a slave without being submissive.  One can be submissive without being a slave.  i am a slave who also happens to be submissive.  As a slave, i work in Her House making minor repairs, cleaning, etc.  Whatever needs to be done at the time, i do. But as a submissive, i need to cede control to Her and there is no time where that control is more fully given, nor fully taken, than during a “play” session.  It is then that my freedom is totally taken from me, whether i’ve been hung on the St Andrews cross, chained to Her table, or simply given an order to not move while She kicks me in the crotch, i am under Her complete control.  It is that level of control that is only attained during O/our sessions and it is that level of control which i “need” to give up on at least an occasional basis in order to meet my needs as a submissive.
All of this is to say that O/our “play” sessions, are not play at all.  They are exercises in that which each of U/us needs.  They are Her outlet for Her sadism, they are my outlet for my ceding control.  To allow Her to hurt me is a service to Her that i give freely or that She takes, depending on which side of the coin one is looking at.  Serving Her is my purpose when i am with Her.  i do not and never have enjoyed pain.  i do enjoy serving Her, i do enjoy bringing Her pleasure, i do enjoy providing that outlet for Her sadism.  And for myself, i enjoy the results of the endorphin release which only She has ever brought about.  But accepting Her pain is anything but “play”.  When i know that O/our session is to be about pain, i dread approaching Her House, but i could no more not approach, than i could stop breathing.  During our sessions, when i am moaning, whimpering, or screaming, i am thinking only to hang on until it is over, as i know it will eventually be over.  After our sessions, i glory in Her aftercare, knowing that i have pleased Her, and reveling in the subspace She has provided.

No, these are not “play” sessions…for me, they are service sessions.

© 2010, boy. All rights reserved.

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