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Live and Learn

As an s-type, what does the phrase “may i speak freely?” mean to you?  i can tell you what it does not mean.  It does not mean that one can speak from anger, or, more commonly, frustration or that one can show disrespect in one’s attitude or demeanor.  Speaking freely means that one can discuss (stress DISCUSS) any subject.  If there is a subject that is bothering you so much that you cannot contain your frustration when trying to speak of it, then now is not the time to speak of it.  Wait until you’ve had a chance to recognize that your frustration is not going to help resolve matters, but rather will hinder that resolution.  This is a dual-edged sword.  Refraining from speaking of the issue can quickly add to the frustration, but letting the frustration get the better of the conversation is not only self-defeating, it is destructive.  A relationship that has taken months or years to build up and solidify can be severely damaged by the outbreaks which can result from expressing frustration.

To avoid this, sit by yourself and calmly, without emotion, examine the issue(s) which have led you to this point.  After you have done so, then ask if you may speak freely.  You may even want to preface your comments by telling your D-type that the issue you want to discuss has been frustrating you and in that way, give Him or Her a heads-up that this issue is important enough to you to cause that sort of reaction.  You may even want to ask your D-type to develop some sort of hand signal to use so that, without interrupting you, He or She can signal you to calm yourself a bit before continuing.
We all have times when our emotions and frustrations get the better of us.  This is an issue i’ve had difficulty with and i am determined to remove that difficulty from my service. Learning how to deal with it before involving my Owner will make me a better s-type and improve my service to Her.

© 2010, boy. All rights reserved.

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