07-30-09

boy was to have a play session today, but it didn’t happen. though boy had to delay his arrival by an hour and a half, boy had kept in close contact with his Owner about his arrival and boy still expected the session  to happen and therein lies the problem. boy’s Owner had gotten back from vacation the night before and perhaps She was tired from that, or perhaps She felt boy had not earned a session. Perhaps She just forgot, or simply wasn’t in the mood. more likely boy’s delay had interfered with Her other plans. whatever. boy performed service chores today, sanding the new session table in preparation for painting and finishing up what he could of the pedicure chair.  boy realizes that, as a slave, he should try not to have expectations and that to the degree that boy minimizes his expectations, so too will his disappointments be minimized. but…as with all slaves, to say that slaves should not have expectations at all is to deny their humanity. it is human nature to have expectations, particularly under circumstances where habits have developed. if a session is “supposed” to happen on a certain day, then an expectation arises that it will happen. boy has worked diligently to minimize his expectations, but boy’s Owner shares a responsibility, in boy’s mind, to accurately structure his expectations. if a session would normally occur on a given day, but is not to happen, does it minimize the Owner’s control to say simply “there will be no session tomorrow, but I will expect you to come as usual and perform service chores”?.

Session of 7-16-09

boy, Owned slave of Lady HotchKiss

boy had been told by HotchKiss that She learned from Her last meeting with Domina Dea that She might have been a bit strong in the expression of Her Sadistic traits and that She was going to moderate Her sessions somewhat. This was the first of those moderated sessions and boy must say it certainly was milder than previous sessions. it consisted primarity of more anal training with HotchKiss trying to use the larger of the three plug set boy had bought and, when that wouldn’t go in, She tried fisting boy but could only go to the knuckles.  it was somewhat painful but not overmuch…boy could stand it. She also used chains on boy, binding boy pretty well. at one point, boy tipped over and She had to roll boy back onto his back, lol. the aftercare was very sweet and welcome. boy is hesitant to say so, but She may have moderated a bit too much. boy can take more and boy knows She enjoys it. boy desires Her pleasure much more than his own and would not want that to be diminished too much.

Session of 7-9-09

boy, Owned slave of Lady HotchKiss

boy’s session with Lady HotchKiss on July 9 was one of the most sensual sessions boy has experienced to date. boy has been working hard on the new dungeon and boy thinks HotchKiss took this opportunity to express Her appreciation. The session started with a most sensual flogging with the heavy flogger. boy loves the heavy flogger and could stay under Her ministrations for hours. She seemed to enjoy it as well. It wasn’t all pleasure though, there was enough pain to make the session interesting and fulfilling. boy seems to need a certain degree of pain to appreciate the pleasure and HotchKiss applied just the right amount. boy was left with the most beautiful bruises on his left buttocks as a reminder that stayed with boy through the weekend. Whenever boy was in a bathroom or by himself near a mirror, boy took the opportunity to look at the bruising and remember. The one part of the session that kind of took boy aback, was when it was over!

HotchKiss told boy to get dressed so W/we could go to lunch, and when boy asked if he could remove the butt plug She had inserted, She said NO!! boy had the audacity to question Her and received assurance that it was Her intent that boy wear the plug to lunch at Chile’s. boy took his audacity even further, reminding HotchKiss of his retention problem with regard to butt plugs, to which She just smiled. boy got dressed and W/we proceeded to the truck to drive to Chile’s. The drive itself was a bit uncomfortable, though uneventful, but when W/we got to Chile’s and boy had to leave the truck and escort Her inside, boy got very nervous about whether the plug would stay in. HotchKiss had thoughtfully brought along a plastic bag and after W/we were seated and had chatted for a while, offered the bag to boy so that boy could go to the men’s room and remove the plug. boy respectfully declined for the moment, thinking that She would appreciate boy’s attempt to please Her by wearing it as long as possible, to which She just laughed, took the bag away and informed boy that after lunch there would be two more stops to make before going home. Talk about regretting a rash decision….boy’s heart dropped at the thought of wearing the plug for another hour or more, thinking there was no way it was going to stay in that long and that boy would be extremely humiliated by the upcoming dropping of the plug into boy’s pants (along with anything else that happened to be in there at the time). After enjoying boy’s discomfort for some time, HotchKiss (the most wonderful, thoughtful Domme that She is) relented and gave boy the plastic bag again. This time, boy did not hesitate a second, taking the bag and asking to be excused right away to which She thankfully consented. There was a lesson learned there. When boy’s Owner chooses to be magnanamous, it does not behoove boy to pretend to bravery!

06-12-09

boy has been experiencing a very deep bout of “sub-drop” since leaving HotchKiss on thursday. boy apologizes for the tone of this blog but is faced with the decision of posting as required within 72hrs or waiting until the depression is over and missing that deadline again. boy wrote this largely on friday and has edited several times. everything boy has read about sub-drop indicates it will last three or more days, and so boy will go ahead and post as it’s not likely to get better before the deadline passes.

Yesterday’s session was, for want of a better word unnerving. It started innocuously enough with a very nice lunch eaten while playing backgammon. Then HotchKiss asked if boy remembered the session where She had boy doing housework in the nude while She followed boy about the house “encouraging” boy, to which boy replied yes. She then informed boy that he was going to work on the dungeon in the nude and told boy to go downstairs and get undressed. boy did so, then spackled a few holes in the wall while waiting for Her to arrive. When she got downstairs, She informed boy that She would be photographing the session and asked if boy minded that the pics went online. boy indicated he didn’t want his face shown, but other than that boy was ok with it. HotchKiss then proceeded to attach a “parachute” to boy’s scrotum from which She hung a bag of pebbles. This stretched boy’s scrotum and pulled on his balls to where it produced that low, dull, ache that men hate. When boy moved, the bag swung which increased the ache to a barely tolerable pain. The parachute also pinched the skin around where it was attached and after a while this became a focal point of pain. HotchKiss at one point allowed boy to adjust the parachute, loosening it slightly, but it didn’t help much. boy wore this the entire time boy was painting the dungeon, which seemed like at least half a day, but was actually just a little over two hours. During that time, HotchKiss attached and removed a number of clothespins of various sizes from boy’s penis, (both the corona and the shaft), his balls and his nipples. boy’s work was slow as boy could barely move, with each movement causing the bag of pebbles to swing which in turn caused that excruciating pain. That pain was “alleviated” on occasion only by the worse pain of the clothespins HotchKiss kept applying and removing, especially those on the nipples. HotchKiss was busily snapping pictures from every possible angle. It is very hard to concentrate on what one is doing when in such pain and at one point, HotchKiss pointed out that boy had scraped the roller over a previously painted spot, causing a mark. boy fixed the mark, but HotchKiss stated it would be added to boy’s “transgressions”. At another point, (boy thinks was near the end of the session, but the sequence of events seems to have blurred somewhat), HotchKiss reached back and slapped boy’s face very hard, and very unexpectedly saying “that’s for your transgressions”. boy remembers that the shock of it nearly sent boy into subspace. When boy had run out of paint, the session appeared to be over and HotchKiss removed the clothespins (the most excruciating pain of the day) and the parachute. HotchKiss then received a call from Her boss which She had to take. She left the room to talk, leaving boy standing there, somewhat bewildered as to what boy was supposed to do. boy recalled HotchKiss asking whether the roller could be cleaned and so boy went to the bathroom and started cleaning the roller. After cleaning the roller and himself, HotchKiss bade boy get dressed and showed boy another project She wanted done with Her outdoor swing and then told boy that as part of his punishment for the week’s transgressions, boy would be restricted from cumming until the dungeon was complete, offering that as an incentive for boy to get it done quicker. boy only had what boy thought were two very minor transgressions this week, but perhaps She is getting tired of boy’s continuing to have transgressions at all. boy was then dismissed and felt as though he were being rushed out. She refused to let boy take five minutes to reprogram Her thermostats as She had wanted, stating She had to get ready to go somewhere, yet boy has been letting himself in and out of the house for some time now. boy thinks She just didn’t want boy to go upstairs for some reason, and if so, wishes She had just said so. boy has felt hard used before, but nothing like this. Between the unremitting pain, the slap to the face, being placed in orgasm denial, and the rushed dismissal boy feels he has somehow failed HotchKiss in a critically meaningful way. That HotchKiss feels boy needs an incentive to work speaks to boy’s diligence in his work on the dungeon. boy thought he was doing well, making himself available to Her at every moment possible and has, until now, thought he has worked hard. boy must redouble his efforts. boy is sorry that his service has been lacking and will try to do better.

06-04-09

boy approached this day’s session with much trepidation. boy has still not managed to post a “zero transgressions” email on wednesdays and there was an unresolved issue of boy’s performing an act of contrition involving a trust issue with HotchKiss. boy was sure he was to be not only punished as an act of contrition but probably used pretty hard too.
boy is started to suspect that HotchKiss, when planning a session, considers what boy might be expecting and then contrives to do something almost the polar opposite. such was the case yesterday.
boy’s act of contrition consisted of a trust-building exercise wherein HotchKiss led boy, blindfolded, around Her neighborhood by voice control. boy was to follow the sound of Her voice, trusting that She would lead boy away from obstacles (like a fairly large pond!!!, lol) and that boy could walk normally with no fear of being led astray. boy had read of such exercises in the past, but had never experienced it. it was very interesting. when boy understood what was going to happen, boy put himself into a state of abulia, which made everything much easier. boy thinks he only stumbled once, when approaching a curb and otherwise walked fairly normally, following Her voice.
On return to the House, boy and HotchKiss played backgammon and boy was pleasantly surprised to find that She and boy are a fairly even match. HotchKiss won the first set 2-0 and boy won the next two 2-1. so overall, boy won 4 games and HotchKiss won 3. then we went to lunch, going to HotchKiss’s favorite mexican restaurant and sharing a nacho dish which was excellent. On return to the House, we began using the hot wax machine, covering first O/our hands and then O/our feet with the hot wax. when W/we were done with that, HotchKiss had boy lay on the carpet while She drizzled hot wax, first over boy’s chest, then over boy’s danglies. the sensation was incredible. as each drop hit, there was momentary pain wich quickly faded to a warmth suffusing over the covered area. it was very, very sensuous and very, very enjoyable. boy remembers earlier candle wax play which was a bit more painful and less sensuous, but this was nice indeed!
On the way home, as boy was meditating on the day’s occurrences, boy realized that something was missing. Although there was some pain involved in the hot wax, it was not the intense pain that boy has become accustomed to at HotchKiss’s hands and boy suddenly realized that boy missed the pain! This was a complete revelation to boy. boy always tells anyone who asks that boy does not like pain, that boy submits to pain only for HotchKiss’s sake, and here boy was, missing pain! HotchKiss had told boy that boy was indeed a masochist. Prior to that boy did not think that he was, but was willing to take Her word for it as She was far more experienced in the world of pain than was boy, but boy had not internalized that knowledge until yesterday. boy is indeed a masochist and boy craves Her pain.

05-28-09

boy has been remiss lately in blogging about his sessions. boy has included this requirement in his written rules and hopefully the omission will not happen again.
the session last week began with what boy calls “the contraption”. it is an adjustable rod about 3′ high with a base for the feet to stand on, clamps for the ankles, and a clamp at the top with which to crush or trap the testicles. it looks medieval and in use is purely tortuous. HotchKiss had boy stand on the base, put the clamps around boy’s ankles, (though did not secure them) and pulled boys cock and balls through the top clamp and started tightening. most of the skin on boy’s cock was not pulled through and as the clamp was tightened it became very, very uncomfortable. HotchKiss relented and loosened the clamp so that boy could pull more of the skin through, and then She tightened it even farther. boy was very securely affixed to the contraption and could not move his lower body at all. then began the real torture.
clothespins….boy never knew how much he could come to fear and loathe clothespins. such simple little devices. there must be a special provider for these clothespins though. boy has never known clothespins with such strong springs and such pinching power. clothespins on the nipples. one medium and two tiny ones each. the tiny ones are pure hell. then clothespins on the scrotum…at least 7 or 8. thank god none of them the tiny ones. then came the cane to the ass. three focuses (foci?) of intense pain all at once. it was nearly unbearable. after a while of this, then came the ice cubes. boy is usually only ticklish on the bottom of his feet, but when HotchKiss rubs boy’s sides with the ice cubes, boy broke out in laughter despite the pain of the clothespins. boy thinks this is the point at which boy started going into subspace. too much going on all at once, boy’s mind could not cope and tried to flee. boy remembers HotchKiss taking off the clothespins on the nipples. such incredible pain when they are removed…much more so than when going on. yet, boy felt relief that they were coming off…momentarily. as She then put them back on. boy nearly screamed, and maybe did scream, boy’s memory of his state of consciousness is vague at best. near the end of the session, boy started to fall forward. boy believes he would have collapsed if he were not held in place by the contraption, yet this was worse, as boy was falling forward with no way to catch himself. boy was near panic when he was grabbed from behind by HotchKiss, who had been closely attending boy for just this reason. boy, in spite of all the pain, felt intense relief and gratitude, a lifting of his spirit that defied all the previous torment. then…right back to the pain as She started removing clothespins…one by one, ever so slowly, allowing boy to feel the full measure of pain as each came off. She laid boy down gently, covered boy with a blanket and lay next to boy as boy swam in and out of subspace.

01-29-09

Wow. boy is still pretty damned speechless about yesterday’s session. (not to mention still pretty damned sore, lol) Somehow, though, boy thinks that HotchKiss will not be very accepting about a speechless blog. To be done with the trivial aspects, boy finished installing HotchKiss’s shelving in both the closet and the garage. Those projects never seem to go as easily as one anticipates, but after getting started and figuring out how to get over a couple of minor obstacles, things went pretty smoothly. boy was working on that project from 10am until after 12:30pm and because HotchKiss had told boy that She had a meeting at 2pm, boy wasn’t expecting there to be much, if any, time left for play.
What boy didn’t know was that the meeting was a conference call for which HotchKiss did not have go anywhere, nor get ready to go anywhere, so She had more time for play than boy suspected. At any rate, once boy had finished his chores, HotchKiss told boy to go upstairs and get undressed, and prepare an enema, but not use it yet. After boy had done so, HotchKiss informed boy that boy was to give himself an enema while HotchKiss watched. This was an altogether new experience for boy and quite humiliating/embarrassing which boy assumes was the whole point. boy is thankful She only watched boy administer the enema, and didn’t stay to watch the results, lol.
Again, boy thought the session to be over when HotchKiss told boy to go into the playroom and wait for Her. She then taught boy a new yoga position which boy is to learn and practice during february, called “chair”. boy was not able to hold the position very long and realizes he must practice diligently in order to improve. HotchKiss then used a flogger on boy which boy enjoys. It is a heavy flogger and produces a “thuddy” type result rather than stinging as some of Her other implements do. She used two smaller floggers as well, which were not quite as thuddy, but were enjoyable nonetheless. By this time boy has decided to not worry about how much time HotchKiss has, and to simply enjoy the session with Her as much as possible. Little did boy know just how much he would come to enjoy this particular session.
The flogging had the result of causing boy to relax, so when HotchKiss put boy on his hands and knees what was to come was a bit easier than previous experiences. HotchKiss got out boy’s toybox with the collection of anal plugs and using generous amounts of lube started opening boy up by using the smallest plug first, then gradually progressing in size. At one point, HotchKiss had at least three fingers in boy up to the knuckle and then turned Her hand around producing a sensation quite hard to describe, but not as unpleasant as one might think. boy experienced less discomfort than on previous occasions when his ass was violated.
boy has written before of the difficulties boy has had in taking HotchKiss’s plugs and strap-on. After the last session, boy was under the impression that HotchKiss may have given up on getting boy to take Her strap-on, but such was not the case. HotchKiss felt that if She allowed boy some control over the penetration, how deep and how quickly, etc., that boy may be able to take more of Her. She had boy don the ankle restraints, then spread boys ankles wide apart and chained them to the wall. Pulling up an oddly shaped chair, HotchKiss then sat behind boy and directed boy to sit down on Her strap-on. Much to boy’s surprise the strap-on entered fairly easily and by sliding up and down on the strap-on, very slowly at first, boy was able to take almost the whole thing. boy is still unsure whether this was due to a change in the angle of penetration or due to HotchKiss’s preparation of boy or that boy was controlling the depth and speed, but the fact is, HotchKiss was causing boy to fuck himself on Her strap-on and boy was taking almost all of it.
As HotchKiss made boy go faster and faster, to boy’s utter amazement boy started getting a hard-on! boy has suffered from EDS for years and is rarely able to attain an erection, much less maintain one for any length of time, yet here was boy bouncing up and down on Her strap-on with a hard-on slapping HotchKiss’s thighs with each bounce! AMAZING!!!! boy was also pretty deep into subspace by this time. HotchKiss seemed pretty delighted with boy’s reaction to Her and began to fondle boy. It wasn’t long before boy felt himself to be on the edge and told HotchKiss he was about to cum. Her reply was “no, you aren’t.” and boy didn’t, lol. She then told boy to masturbate while he was being fucked, but this time, to ask permission to cum rather than tell Her boy was about to cum. It wasn’t long before boy felt himself on the edge again and asked HotchKiss for permission to cum. She said, “not yet, you will cum after I count to 10″ and She proceeded to slowly count to ten. boy gritted his teeth and using what he thought was self control, refrained from cumming. When HotchKiss reached 10, boy thought he was going to explode, but nothing happened!! boy was still right on the edge, but something was keeping boy from tipping over! boy continued to work on his cock and HotchKiss at one point threatened to make boy wait until March for his next release if he didn’t cum soon. As the feeling of being on the edge got more and more intense, boy started thrusting back against HotchKiss’s strap-on until finally boy exploded with the most intense orgasm in boy’s memory.
All in all, boy was with HotchKiss from 10am until after 2pm and is not likely to ever forget all that transpired.

12-15-08

boy has been ill since xmas day and has not been on the computer long enough to post a blog about the last session with HotchKiss. this session was all about anal training. boy had ordered a butt plug harness to help keep the plug from coming out and today’s session was a fitting for that. of course, HotchKiss took the opportunity to take Her pleasure as well, “treating” boy to a little CBT. HotchKiss was kind, though, refraining from using the very small clips, She used the medium sized ones. the clips do serve one good purpose…. the pain from them distracts boy enough so that when She swats boy’s balls, it doesn’t hurt quite as much as when clips aren’t used. after the fitting, HotchKiss had boy do some chores while wearing the butt plug and harness, putting away the fall decorations, etc. moving about was an adventure, bending over and lifting even more so, lol.
boy is not sure that the ultimate goal of the anal training (HotchKiss taking boy’s ass with the feeldoe) is going to be possible. so far, each time boy has worn the butt plug, it has stimulated boy’s bowels to the point where the plug had to be removed. This, in spite of boy’s administration of enemas beforehand. so far, boy has been unable to wear the butt plug for more than an hour or so. and boy will say no more about the removal of the plug than it can be quite an experience. let Y/your imagination run wild and infer what Y/you will.

11-15-08

boy’s session today was to include some service but boy was able to come to HotchKiss yesterday to trim Her tree, free up the two stuck planters, and peel the ginger root that boy knew was to be used on him the next morning. during the peeling, boy got an idea of how hot ginger could be by rubbing a bit of it inside his cheek. boy was not looking forward to that stuff being shoved up his ass. though Mistress seemed pleased by boy’s service work, She had him stand in the stairwell for a good while after he had finished. boy thinks it was because he was being obtrusive between tasks by standing within Her eyesight awaiting the next. at any rate it gave boy an opportunity to think about what was to come the following day. the last time boy was with Her She had told boy that the butt plug he had purchased was to be given him to use whenever possible in order to continue his ass training, but that She wanted to be the first to insert it. So, boy knew he was to have the ginger root placed in his ass and at some point would be introduced to the new butt plug. boy had no idea what else was to come!
(to be continued)
boy returned to HotchKiss the next morning at 9:30 knowing somewhat what to expect and was not disappointed. HotchKiss told boy immediately to go upstairs and ready himself, which boy did…undressing and taking an enema. boy then waited for Her in the playroom in the “present” pose. HotchKiss came in, admiring the boy’s pose, then had boy show the two other poses which, in his excitement, boy proceeded to screw up. HotchKiss then positioned Her wire bench in front of boy, telling him to bend his torso over onto the bench. HotchKiss then started wrapping chains about boys legs securing them to the bench. boy’s arms were then outstretched in front of him and also chained to the bench. boy was virtually immobile at that point, but in an effort to avoid marking boy as had been done in the past, HotchKiss wrapped boy’s torso to the bench with plastic wrap which completely immobilized boy. boy could barely twitch at that point. this was the weekend preceeding boy’s birthday and while boy didn’t know it at the moment, HotchKiss had planned the entire session as a birthday present to boy. HotchKiss knew through boy’s bio that boy enjoyed bondage and being immobilized so this was boy’s day and though being chained to the bench was somewhat more than boy’s experience had prepared him for, boy was in sub-heaven.
the first thing HotchKiss did after immobilizing boy was to insert the ginger root in boys butt. the burning started off slow but steadily built to an almost unbearable level but the longer it was in there the more boy got used to it and it actually became quite pleasurable. HotchKiss shoved it deeper into boy’s ass at which point, boy stopped feeling it altogether. boy thinks there must be more nerve endings at the actual anal opening than inside, resulting in more feeling while the root was there then when it went deeper. HotchKiss then started using Her flogger on boy, which boy always enjoys. long sensuous strokes were used on boys back and butt and before long, boy entered subspace and was quite lost. boy also recalls HotchKiss using a ginger cream on boy’s ass, with somewhat less effect than the root itself. the wrapping seemed to have the desired effect in that boy had no marks on his back or ass after the play, but unfortunately, spending that much time on the wire bench left a striped pattern on boys chest and thighs which lasted for about three days.
towards the end of the session, HotchKiss took Her pleasure with boy, using those damnable small clothespins on boys balls. boy didn’t seem able to take as much pain as boy normally can and “pinked” out after much too short
a while. for the most part, boy was in sensory overload for the entire session and may not be recalling all that occurred. suffice it to say that this was the most intense bondage session boy had ever endured and boy is extremely grateful to HotchKiss for Her thoughtfulness on boy’s birthday.

10-30-08

Boy is starting this blog within an hour of leaving HotchKiss. boy wants to get first impressions down, then come back to the blog later to finish it. boy was told that today’s session would be for disciplinary purposes. boy was being disciplined for failing to remember to bring the poker contribution toward ankle restraints at the last session. boy distinctly remembers how much this session hurt, but it is an intellectual memory and boy is sure the memory doesnt carry as much force as the actual occurrence. what boy feels is quite another thing. boy has been calmed and feels content with a warmth suffusing him that has nothing to do with the welts on boy’s backside. boy understands that HotchKiss’s discipline signifies Her care and concern for Her boy, that She wants boy to improve and is providing discipline as a means of improving boy’s behavior and attitude. boy has realized that he needs discipline. not that boy is in the habit of misbehaving or being careless, but more to focus boy’s mind and attention to where it belongs… on HotchKiss. boy has gotten too comfortable in his service to Her and must return to the state of attentiveness to which She is entitled. boy will save this blog as a draft and return to it within a day or two in order to return from the endorphin high boy is still experiencing.
Continued 11-3. Blade play. just the words have always made boy squeamish to the point where he’d considered it a hard limit. yet when the blindfold was put on and boy’s cock and balls laid out on the cart and HotchKiss started sharpening the blade, boy said nothing. boy knew it was a blade being sharpened and went cold inside. yet, boy trusted HotchKiss without question and stayed still and quiet. when She laid the sharpened blade against boy’s skin, boy feared shivering as he thought it might result in a cut. and when the blade touched his balls, boy knew that in the next moment boy could be a eunuch. yet, boy trusted. boy is still amazed that he did not cry out the safe word that would have stopped all. the rest of the session pales in comparison with the emotions that boy felt with this blade play. it was totally amazing. HotchKiss did take Her pleasure with boy’s flesh, using Her evil stick among other things and leaving welts and marks that would later become bruises. boy took every opportunity during the weekend to look at his backside and use the marks as a visual aid in bringing back the memories of this session. HotchKiss is amazing.

10-23-08

boy knew as he approached the door that today was the day. boy had been under control of HotchKiss for two months and today was the day boy was to be fucked for the first time. boy remembered during the last session when he was able to take all of Her feeldoe by hand, that She said “next time….”.
HotchKiss opened the door and greeted boy, telling boy right away to go upstairs and get himself ready. boy knew She meant to get undressed and administer an enema to himself, as She had mentioned in a message that morning that boy had one there left from last time. boy did as instructed and waited patiently for Her to come into the play room.
on this day there was to be no bondage, no restraints. HotchKiss had busied Herself for a few moments behind boy, then told him to bend over. boy felt the head of Her feeldoe pushing against him and tried to open for Her. She pushed harder and it seemed boy’s body was resisting against his will. finally, the head slid in. the girth of the feeldoe was enough to cause more than a little pain, but nothing that boy couldn’t take. it was as HotchKiss pushed farther that the pain began to mount. there seemed to come a point where the feeldoe would go no farther and each time it reached that point, the pain was intolerable. boy kept pulling away, irritating HotchKiss. She smacked boy on the butt and pulled him back into position several times, only to have boy pull away again. HotchKiss had boy kneel so that it would be more difficult to move away and She entered boy again. again the pain was intolerable. finally, boy cried out “pink” and HotchKiss stopped.
boy was extremely disappointed in himself. but even more disappointed that he failed HotchKiss. HotchKiss did, however, take some sadistic pleasure after boy “pinked out”. Starting with clips on boy’s nipples (three each, including one of the smallest right on the nipple), HotchKiss then placed two clips attached by a chain on boy’s balls. these clips were very painful indeed, and then HotchKiss proceeded to attached weights to them!! the pain was excruciating! HotchKiss then started smacking boy’s ass with a fly swatter, occasionally swatting the weights causing them to jerk up and down and sway front to back. boy’s knees buckled. HotchKiss said that the weights must keep moving, so boy started to keep them swaying in an effort to preempt HotchKiss from swatting the weights anymore which seemed to work for a while at least.
boy does not think his tolerance for pain is increasing, but his ability to withstand pain is. this was a most painful session from start to finish, but even so, boy enjoyed the session and enjoyed bringing pleasure to HotchKiss despite the disappointment of the feeldoe.

10-13-08

it is always best that boy waits a day or two before attempting to write about a session as it generally takes that long for boy to come down from the endorphin high. boy had emailed HotchKiss early in the day to say it looked like he had a light day ahead and asked if he could be of any use to HotchKiss. Her reply startled me, as it was the very first time She has responded in the affirmative when boy let Her know of availability. normally HotchKiss simply tells boy when She wants to see him and boy complies.
but this day, HotchKiss had some chores that needed tending to. boy was thrilled that he would be of some use to Her and arrived at Her House at the appointed time. HotchKiss first had boy prune the rose bushes out back. boy approached this task with some trepidation as boy has never pruned rose bushes before, but HotchKiss had told boy that the type of bushes She had should be trimmed to hip height, so boy proceeded from there and according to HotchKiss, did a credible job. boy’s next task was to find some Halloween decorations in the garage. HotchKiss was a bit sketchy on where they might be, but boy remembered that most of the boxes in the garage were marked, so boy set off confidently. for his regular job, boy carries a small flashlight and it came in handy as none of the boxes could be read in the dim light of the garage, but with the aid of the flashlight, boy fairly quickly located the box marked Halloween and located the decorations HotchKiss wanted. HotchKiss seemed a bit surprised that boy had accomplished his task so quickly, and lost no time in assigning another. boy was to clean the laundry room, and then vacuum all of the upstairs save Her bedroom. when in service submissive mode, boy enjoys this kind of task as it requires little thought and boy’s mind just basks in the knowledge he is being of service to Her while he works. all too quickly boy finished that task as well, and presented himself for another.
HotchKiss again startled boy by telling him to go upstairs to the play room and get undressed. She also told boy if he was sweaty boy could freshen up in the sub bathroom. boy had not anticipated sensual service at all and was absolutely thrilled as he went upstairs to undress. after undressing and cleaning up a bit boy went to the play room to await Her arrival. when She came in She told boy that She wanted to try out the new “toys” She had bought at DomCon. HotchKiss began by placing a blindfold over boys eyes and as boys breath quickened, She took each hand in turn and placed wrist restraints about them and attached the restraints to the chains on Her wall. after boy was secured, HotchKiss had him step backward so that he had to bend forward due to the chains and when boy was properly positioned, HotchKiss began playing with Her toys. She started with a flogger, then went to a heavy flogger, which She knew boy would enjoy as boy likes fairly heavy impact play. then there was what felt like a cane. as the play progressed boy was hard pressed to pay attention to much other than the immediate pain and HotchKiss’s reaction to it, and really can’t remember how many implements HotchKiss used on boy. boy does distinctly remember the evil stick, however. whoever invented that toy could teach deSade himself a thing or two. the impact of the stick itself can be quite painful, but then there is a delayed pain which is 3-4 times as severe as the initial pain. boy can remember his knees buckling at one point. HotchKiss tells boy that it is the evil stick that produced most of the bruising and boy can easily believe that. the evil stick is ugly.
when HotchKiss had finished, She grasped boy from behind, and held him for a few moments while boy regained his composure. certainly this was the most intense session yet… and the most satisfying. boy did not “pink” out.

10-2-08 (Cont’d)

HotchKiss commented that my blog concerning the session of 10-2 was “factual”. She didn’t say that was a bad thing, but the comment left me feeling that She’d rather it was more than just factual. in re-reading it, boy feels that the blog was inadequate. the session was very intense and that didn’t come across at all.
boy left the session feeling well-used and was happy in being of service to HotchKiss. boy doesn’t really know how to explain what he gets out of these sessions. it is far more of a hope that he has satisfied and/or pleased HotchKiss than any personal sense of gratification. in fact, this session was the most painful yet, and boy does not think he will ever come to enjoy pain. endure it to greater degrees as time goes on, hopefully, but not enjoy it. what boy does enjoy is the thought that he is bringing pleasure to HotchKiss. boy hopes the training he is undergoing now is not only pleasurable to HotchKiss, but will bring even greater pleasure to Her when the training is complete. yesterday’s session was purposeful, not just an exercise in sadism for sadisms sake. She is preparing me for further service and for that, boy is grateful.
which brings another thought…. will the training ever be complete? people change and evolve, regardless of their D/s identification and as HotchKiss changes, Her needs will change and boy’s training will likely continue so as to fulfill those needs.
boy can feel himself succumbing more and more to Her spell. boy used to wonder before a session what She would do to him. boy no longer wonders, he just presents himself to Her hoping he is able to provide some degree of pleasure/satisfaction to Her regardless of what that session will entail. boy is striving to approach each session with a sense of openness rather than expectation, of acceptance of Her will, though acceptance is not the right word, it implies too much of a choice. perhaps a better choice of wording would be surrender to Her will, though even that implies something of a choice.
She has said She does not own me and in a technical sense She does not. There is no collar or contract. i have surrendered to Her of my own free will and She has accepted my service, nothing more. and yet, i am Hers.

10-2-08

after leaving HotchKiss, boy had to work and spent the next 3 hours in his truck, driving around on an extremely sore butt, which certainly didn’t help matters. the focus of this day’s session was anal tortu…ermmm … training. it was both preceeded and followed by a flogging, the contrast of which was rather interesting. i don’t think the intensity of the flogging varied much between pre and post anal abus….ermmm…training, but the effect was certainly different. pre was as usual, quite painful and holding the modified position for such a long time rendered boy very stiff. but the flogging afterward, again…though nearly as thorough, actually had a calming effect on boy, as though it were subbie aftercare. perhaps boy was in sub-space. as to the anal training, it started with the medium sized plug, which boy accepted fairly well, then progressed to the feeldoe, which HotchKiss used rather vigorously. that was pretty painful, at least at first, but boy seemed to become a bit accustomed to it after awhile. finally, HotchKiss attempted to use the biggest damned dildo boy has ever seen outside of a fuck-store catalog. HotchKiss says She managed to get the head of it in before boy “pinked” out. at any rate, after yesterday’s anal invasio…ermmm….training, HotchKiss says i may be ready for the feeldoe to be used on me. boy is hoping that the feeldoe works as well for Her as Others have reported.

9-20-08

sometimes i can’t believe i actually want this! HotchKiss has said She would not make me Her pain slut. Fair warning to whoever She chooses for that honor…. if what i experienced today is but a fraction of what you’ll experience, you’d better truly love pain, lol. One big lesson learned: HotchKiss knows that because of my marriage i try to avoid marks, but this week i broke one of Her rules. my punishment was to be caned and i have some fairly hefty welts on my backside as a result. the lesson is that if i don’t want marks, i’d better pay close attention to Her rules and not break them anymore. For the first time, i used a safe word today. i went to pink during the caning. i’ve never been caned before, and never want to again. i could not believe how much that hurt…even more than when She was swatting my balls with various implements of tortu…erm….training. i also got to experience being chained to the walls for the first time. psychologically very intimidating. it really brings home the lack of control. She could have and did do pretty much anything She wanted. i kind of expected Her to use Her strap-on or feedoe on me today, but am glad She chose not to. She did use two sizes of butt plugs, the first was pretty small and produced just some minor discomfort. the second was probably as thick as Her feeldoe and that one caused some pain. i used to have to wear a similar sized plug for hours on end but haven’t done so in over two years, so i guess i must have returned to normal in that period. had She used Her strap-on, i likely would have been reduced to tears.

9-5-08

it’s been almost six hours since i left Her. my ass still stings from the crop, but the marks are fading. once again i succeeded (barely) in refraining from using “pink” or “red” safe words. my leg muscles are still very weak from trying to hold the “present” pose and i’ve realized just how out of shape i’ve become in the last year or so. i had already determined that i must start working out again, but still haven’t gotten off my lazy butt to do it. now i feel i must. my poses must get better, my flexibility must improve and my strength and endurance must improve greatly. all this not only for myself, because i recognize that getting back into shape has to be mostly for myself, but also for Her, so that i don’t continue to disappoint Her in this arena. no matter how bad i am right now, if i show continuous improvement, i think that will be pleasing to Her.

i feel i am just about ready to ask for an end to the provisional period. i do crave to submit to Her mentally physically and emotionally. i have learned the poses asked of me and have presented them for approval (though i dont know if i have gained that approval). i think i have demonstrated how my service will enhance Her life, through willing (nay, eager) completion of service oriented tasks as well as by providing amusement for Her as She inflicts pain. i am also willing to be Her “guinea pig” in testing new methods for use on subs and with other play partners. the only part i am completely at a loss with is offering “something as a token of submission”. i do not know what that something might be nor what She means by the word “token”. is it a personal possession of mine that has meaning for me?… is it a gift that i may buy for Her?… is it a service i may provide for Her?… or something more personal than just a service?. i just dont know, but i cant imagine denying Her anything at this point.