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Orgasm control – Part VI

boy — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:15:39 +0000

This is absolutely ridiculous!!! For months i have struggled with differing forms of orgasm control imposed by my Owner, LadyHotchKiss. i have wondered constantly if there was purpose to Her experimentation or whether She was just amusing Herself. i still don’t know the answer to that, and likely never will, but now that i have been released from all forms of orgasm control, and can cum whenever i choose to, in whatever way i choose…i find that i miss it!!What the fuck??? Did i actually say that??? Did i actually mean it??? YES. i don’t know why exactly, but i do miss it. i suppose it has something to do with the control She exerts over me with orgasm control. i do crave control, part of what makes most submissives submissive in the first place. And when i am under orgasm control, Her control extends beyond Her immediate reach and right into my most private moments. It is also a test of my obedience and devotion and each time i succeed at that test, i think of Her and say to myself “i do this for You”. i have fewer opportunities to please my Owner than a 24/7 slave does and so i relish each one that comes my way.

So now i’m in a quandary. Given that i miss orgasm control, do i ask to be returned to it? That is a two-edged sword that i don’t think i am quite ready to place in Her hands (as if i have a choice in the matter, lol). i may not appreciate at all the form which a new round of orgasm control may take. After all, never cumming again is the ultimate in orgasm control, and i most assuredly do NOT wish for that.

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Orgasms

boy — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:37:08 +0000

LadyHotchKiss requires that i report to Her each time i have an orgasm, so this time i thought i’d share with my readers. As most of you know, i’ve been undergoing a series of experiments at the hands of LadyH concerning orgasm control and orgasm denial which have produced some interesting results. One of those results came from Her requirement that i slap my cock and balls while edging. i came to realize fairly quickly that it produced a stronger erection and when She finally allowed me a release, it also helped produce and incredibly intense orgasm. Since then, whenever i am either edging (without release) or masturbating, i slap and punch my cock and balls as i do so. The pleasure/pain contrast is delicious.
So, this morning i decided i would masturbate and as is my habit, began edging while taking a shower. This included the slapping and punching mentioned, but i also tried pulling on my balls, which normally i hate. Once again the erection strengthened. i continued edging when i got out of the shower and while i was shaving, using shaving cream as my lubricant (i think there is nothing better than shaving cream on a wet cock as lube for masturbating). When i was finally ready to cum, i decided to continue the cbt while i was cumming and so, slapped and punched myself some more. Then i decided to try pulling on my balls while cumming. Big mistake. Oh, i came all right…but there was no orgasm! i ruined my own orgasm after waiting three days to have one!

LIVE AND LEARN.

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Orgasm Control – Part V

boy — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:21:39 +0000

This is the latest in a series written about my experiences with orgasm control and denial at the hands of Lady HotchKiss. As my readers know, i recently completed two extended periods of orgasm denial (at least they seemed extended to me, i understand others have gone far longer). The first of those lasted 74 days and the second was 49 days. The second was the more frustrating however because i was made to “edge” every day and to slap my cock and balls while edging. Once again, when it was finally over, i experienced a most incredible orgasm. i told LadyH at the time that it felt almost painful, as though my balls were trying to escape through my cock.This time around, the orgasm control is no control at all. i am free to release whenever and as often as i wish until further notice. Of course, further notice could occur at any time so i kinda/sorta expected that i’d be a busy little beaver, getting as many orgasms in as possible before that door closes again, but…surprise, surprise…i have gotten used to lapses between releases and except for the first day when i released twice, i really havent had much desire to release. And i also discovered that i missed edging and slapping my cock and balls so i suspect those will become a regular part of my masturbatory routine (unless, of course, She prohibits it, which i would not put past her oh-so-sadistic mind). At any rate, today i was starting to feel a bit horny and almost released during my shower, but at the last possible moment i realized that i am to see Her tomorrow morning, and as i never know what She might have in store for me, decided to wait. i can always take care of business after O/our visit. So today was a case of self-imposed edging, slapping and finally denial. She has completely invaded my mind.

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Orgasm Control – Part IV

boy — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:42:59 +0000

Yeah, i know, it’s becoming a fixation with me. But my Owner, LadyHotchKiss, keeps throwing more curves at me, causing me to experience it in different, even more intense ways. The last time i wrote of this subject, i told you that She had let me release and then immediately put me back under orgasm denial. (Orgasm denial differs from orgasm control in that under control, one is allowed to release under certain circumstances, i.e. once per week, upon accomplishing a known task, etc., whereas orgasm denial is just that…no orgasm allowed until and unless She relents).This time, She has made me “edge” right from the start. It is now 26 days since my last release, but i have to bring myself to the edge of release at least once per day. Then, a few days later, She threw another wrinkle at me. i now have to slap my cock…hard…at least five times when i am at the edge. i am still not allowed to cum. This is becoming very difficult to maintain. i have gotten so horny i am at the point where i would do almost anything to be allowed to release. Okay, okay…strike the almost. i can think of nothing that is not on Her hard limit list that i would not do at this point.
One of the things i have discovered about my cock, is that it is more painful to slap when it is flaccid than when it is engorged. When engorged, i can slap it as hard as i can and it is only mildly painful. When flaccid, the pain is much more apparent. i suppose there is a physiological reason for this that has to do with propagation of the species, such as…i don’t know…being willing to stuff a hard cock into a spike-protected vagina, i guess.

Twice since starting this latest go-round, and i presume it has to do with the edging and cock-slapping, i have had small releases of fluid. These are not orgasms, there is little to no sensation to go along with them, just an oozing of a small bit of fluid. Under normal circumstances, i see some pre-cum, both before and after i reach the edge, but this is different. Pre-cum is a clear fluid whereas this is a milky colored. And it does not have the characteristic smell of cum, so i suspect it is some of the fluid built up in the prostate that is finding its way out. Be that as it may, it offers no relief and i continue to suffer….for Her.

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Communication

boy — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:59:40 +0000

Everyone says it…”communication is the key to a successful relationship”. This, of course, is particularly true in the world of BDSM where a failure to communicate under the wrong circumstances can lead to serious injury, but still, it is a given. One of the building blocks as it were, right up there with honesty and openness. I’ve never had a problem with honesty and openness, but the communication part can be a challenge, at least for me.As my readers know, i am a part time slave. i have a regularly scheduled visit with LadyH on tuesday mornings and other irregular and unscheduled visits to attend to my handyman chores. The time that i do have with LadyH is precious to me and therefore, i am loathe to bring up issues or problems, preferring instead to bask in Her presence and enjoy Her company (even when She is beating me or kicking my balls!) rather than embark on any “serious” discussions. Usually when one talks about communication in a relationship, they’re speaking about serious communication where problems and issues are aired and resolved. Combine this reluctance with my innate insecurity and one can imagine how easy it is for my concerns to escalate, sometimes to mind-numbing proportions, before finally being brought out and resolved.

This week, however, i took the bold step and asked the dreaded question…”May i please speak freely?” to which She replied…”You may speak”. Careful readers will note the difference in wording. The last time i spoke “freely”, i let my mouth overrun my brain and the result was not good. So, this time, i carefully worded my concerns. i won’t go into the matter raised, but did want to write about the result. In the past, i have held on to issues much too long before bringing them up to Her. By the time i had voiced whatever concerns were bothering me, i had elevated them in my mind to such huge proportions that the resulting conversations nearly got out of hand and could have damaged the relationship. This time, i did not delay in expressing my concerns. As usual, my fears were unfounded, the concerns easily explainable, and putting them out in the open eased my mind and let me focus more on what’s truly important…my service to LadyHotchKiss.

i’ve always thought that insecurity comes naturally to a submissive…part of the mindset that makes a person submit in the first place. And being insecure to a degree is not necessarily a bad thing. It causes a submissive to want to please, to need to serve, to seek approval. But in the case of communication, i am learning that allowing my insecurities to prevent me from raising valid concerns only makes those concerns grow to unreasonable proportions, and in the long run become damaging to a relationship where there would have been no damage had those concerns been resolved more quickly.

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Service

boy — Wed, 12 May 2010 15:58:41 +0000

i was once again reminded that i am primarily a service submissive. For the past few weeks, i have been unable to spend as much time as i would wish with LadyHotchKiss and tending to Her household handyman needs. There are a number of projects that have been suffering as a result. The play time has not been affected, but i noticed that i was not enjoying the playtime nearly as much. i think it had to do with feelings of guilt that i had not accomplished as much as i wanted to around the house. To be enjoying play time when there is work to be done just doesn’t seem right to me. But then again, play time is not about me or my enjoyment, it is about Her and when She plays with me, it is because She wants to, not because She thinks i want or need it. So there is a conflict there. i want and need to provide for Her amusement during play time and i want/need to serve Her household needs as well. When i am not serving Her household needs, it becomes hard for me to understand why She would want to play with me.

All of this is to say that i don’t think i’ve progressed as far in my development as a slave as i feel i should have by now. Intellectually, i know that what i want is not germane to my service to Her. That i am there for Her to use in whatever way She sees fit at the time. If that is as a handyman, i love it. If that is as a playtoy, i should love it just as much regardless of whether i think i’ve fulfilled my handyman duties. Once again, it comes down to acceptance. Acceptance of my role in Her life and the fact that She will define that role as She sees fit.

Yesterday was our normal play day, but She had indicated that there would be no play, that i was to begin to catch up on my projects. i was confused at that point, thinking i was being punished or that i had disappointed Her in some way, but when i started working on the projects, i felt my mood immediately lifting. There was a joy in accomplishing something needful to Her, that had been missing of late. Later that day, She wanted to try out one of the projects, which was installing medical type stirrups to Her table for use in medical play. She had me strip and lay on the table, then affixed my ankles to the stirrups. She then proceeded to try out the stirrups a bit more forcefully, using a particularly vicious paddle as well as slapping and punching my cock and balls. Throughout most of this, i was giggling in between moans and screams, enjoying the play as i had not enjoyed it in quite some time. The burden of guilt had been lifted from me and i approached Her sadism with a clear mind and heart, allowing me to give myself over to Her completely.

i thanked Her later that day for the time spent with Her, but i don’t think i knew at the moment exactly why i was thanking Her. i knew i felt grateful and wanted to express it, so i did. On further reflection, i have concluded that i was grateful because She recognized my need to be useful to Her and so made it happen. i am back on the path to becoming a better slave.

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Orgasm Control-Part III

boy — Tue, 04 May 2010 13:19:12 +0000

Orgasm Denial….arggghhhhh….dreaded words to a sub/slave. It’s not that we can’t go without an orgasm for a certain period of time, it’s that so much of what we do is sensual in nature. Combine the sensual/sexual nature of what we do with an edict that one may not have an orgasm does serve to heighten the sensuality, but it also produces, at least in males, an unpleasant physiological response commonly referred to as “blue balls”. i know, i know. Many of you think of blue balls as merely a myth. But i’m here to verify that it is much more than a myth. There is a heavy achy feeling that settles into the balls and groin area after a few days and it begins to grow in strength the longer one is kept in denial. The achiness is only relieved by a release of built up fluids. Now, i’m no doctor, so i don’t know if it’s primarily related to a fluid build up in the prostate or in the testes. i just know that the ache doesn’t go away, in fact only intensifies, until i have a release of some sort.

This last episode of orgasm denial lasted 74 days!! A record for me, and yes i know that many of you have gone far longer. But i can’t speak to going far longer since i haven’t been there (yet). i can only speak to what i’ve experienced, and let me assure you, i believe 74 days is quite long enough, thank you very much. The last few weeks of this period of denial were complicated by the fact that my Owner had me “edge” every morning. Edging is the practice of bringing oneself to the very edge of orgasm, then backing off. This practice very definitely affected the severity of my case of blue balls. By the time LadyH relented and allowed me to release, i was extremely uncomfortable most of every day. Of course, now that i have released, i am once again prohibited from doing so unless and until She allows it. Oh, and this time, i have to edge right from the start.
The day She relented, She told me that i could release the next morning. i spent all of that day anticipating the next morning. When the time finally came, i followed my normal routine, all the way to the point of edging, not just once, but a number of times, before i allowed myself to fall off that precipice. Even though i was merely masturbating, it was one of the most intense orgasms i have ever experienced. It seemed to go on forever and i produced more fluid, more forcefully than i had ever done before. Was it worth waiting 74 days for? Nahhh…no orgasm is worth 74 days of blue balls.

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Resounding success

boy — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 14:06:51 +0000

i have written about the use of medical sounds (called sounding by some) before, but it has been some time and i believe the last time i wrote about it, it was a description of my first experience. Just the thought of a long metal rod being inserted in one’s cock was enough to send chills up my spine, and that first experience was marked by my fear of the unknown to the point where that fear was the most relevant part of the experience. i have since been sounded twice more, each time more pleasurable than the last. The nerves are largely gone, though the sight of that rod disappearing into one’s cock still brings a thrill. i am much more relaxed under LadyH’s ministrations now, and can more thoroughly enjoy the experience. It is very hard to describe since there is nothing quite like the sensation of having your cock “fucked”, but that is about the closest analogy that will come to mind. LadyH tells me that She has never seen a sounding rod go as deeply as one does with me. These rods are about 10″ long (a guesstimate at best) and watching Her insert one is absolutely thrilling. With me, it seems almost like the thing is going to disappear completely, but finally stops with about 2″ showing. Above LadyH’s dungeon table are attached several mirrors so one can watch directly or through the mirrors for a different perspective. i enjoy raising my head to watch directly as not only can i see the rod being inserted, but i can watch Her face as it does so. Her rapt attention adds immeasurably to the experience.

The sounds are graduated in size. LadyH doesn’t use the smallest of them, as it seems the tip of it might be small enough to actually puncture something if not used very carefully. She also hasn’t been able to use the largest of them yet, as my urethral opening isn’t big enough to take it. Mostly She uses the mid-sized three or four, starting with the smaller of those and working up to the larger ones. She will sometimes put in two, one at a time, with the second one’s tip riding atop the first one’s tip. This configuration gives the most sensation of the cock being fucked.

i think, if a bottom doesn’t have complete trust in the abilities of his top, it would not be possible to entirely enjoy this experience. The bottom must be able to totally relax to get the full benefit of sensation that sounding brings. Also, don’t expect the best of results on your very first try. Even if you do have complete trust in your top, i don’t believe it would be possible to dismiss the fear of the unknown, especially when watching the sounding rod approaching your firmly grasped penis, then slowly disappearing into it. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and try it at least several times. 90% of those who do come to enjoy it very much.

A final word of caution. Though “safety first” is a given in all BDSM play, it is paramount in sounding. Never use unsterilized sounds. Never allow an inexperienced top to use you as a learning tool. Tops should learn proper sounding techniques by attending seminars and by being mentored by those versed in the use and safety of sounds.

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Corporal Punishment

boy — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:25:56 +0000

A question brought up by my Owner, LadyHotchKiss, has prompted this post. i had come to believe that Her idea of punishment was proper, appropriate and served a good purpose. She has always styled the punishment to relate closely to the infraction and has always striven to ensure the punishment taught a needed lesson. But the more i think about the subject, the more i am coming to believe that corporal punishment also has a place in the M/s dynamic. Unless, of course, the one being punished is indeed a masochist, in which case it does no good at all.

But i am not a masochist and am not speaking to that sort of relationship. Even though LadyH is a Sadist, i do not enjoy pain except insofar as it gives Her pleasure to administer it. And it seems to me, especially if one comes from a childhood background where corporal punishment was administered, that it can definitely have a role in behavior modification. Let me say right now, that corporal punishment should never, EVER, be administered while in a state of anger or when emotions of any kind are running high. It should be delivered deliberately, calmly, coolly and as soon after the infraction as is possible. It can also be given in conjunction with the learning type of punishment described above.

Yes, corporal punishment is negative reinforcement. But i believe negative reinforcement sometimes has it’s place, especially when the behavior is of a negative type rather than an error in judgment, an oversight, or similar type of infraction. It provides a forceful demonstration of the D-types displeasure, allows the D-type to express in no uncertain terms that displeasure and even has a positive effect in that it can provide complete closure to the incident that caused the punishment. This is the sort of punishment that could be used when the s-type exhibits a fit of pique, for example. Or expresses displeasure with a D-types decision, or speaks inappropriately or rudely to the D-type. In other words, it can be used in the case of a relatively minor, behavior type infraction that nonetheless, the D-type wants to quickly put an end to and with little chance of recurrence. For an s-type from a childhood background that included corporal punishment, this sort of action from the D-type can trigger memories and shadows of emotion long buried that may work better than any other type of punishment in modifying an unwanted behavior. For the s-type who never had corporal punishment, the shock value alone will provide tremendous disincentive for a recurrence.

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Coming out of Sub-Space

boy — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 01:33:08 +0000

Many people (myself included) have written about going into and being in subspace, even about sub-drop, which is related. But few have written about coming out of sub-space and so i will attempt that now.

my most recent foray into subspace was just yesterday, so i felt i should write about this while it’s fresh in my mind (i can’t be sure that i have even yet completely come out of subspace as i still feel a bit euphoric). i can only relate my own episodes, of course, so others may have differing experiences, but coming out of subspace for me seems to follow a pattern. LadyHotchKiss doesn’t always send me into subspace, and how deeply i go depends largely on Her ministrations as well. Yesterday i was well and truly into subspace, but not quite as deeply as i’ve been in the past.

While i enter into subspace during heavy “play” sessions, it actually deepens during the initial stages of aftercare. Aftercare is where i can relax, knowing i am being tended to and cared for. The relaxation itself sends me deeper still into subspace. i know the session is over and there will be no further pain. i know i don’t have to worry about anything at all, and can just drift with it and experience it fully. There is the key to subspace…not thinking about what happened or how you feel, but just letting go completely and actually experiencing how you feel, without thinking about it. It is a very pleasant, drifting sensation as you “visit” each part of your body affected by the session. After a time (which varies depending on how deep i have gone), awareness begins to return. The first thing i become aware of is LadyH cradling and comforting me while i am wrapped in a blanket. Then, one by one, all the sore spots begin to make their presence known, but not in a bad way. There is still the pleasant, drifting sensation, but with the additional awareness of one’s personal space.

At this point LadyH will usually lead me to a chair. i think the primary purpose of this is to see how well i can navigate and gauge my level of awareness. She will continue to touch and caress me, and after a time will begin to engage me in small talk, and then actual conversation. At this point, i am able to function again, but am still in some degree of subspace which will likely stay with me at least the rest of the day. For the next few hours, i will not want to think too hard about much of anything, so any tasks i have before me should be of a rote nature, where i can more or less go on “automatic pilot”. We generally session in the late morning and it’s followed by lunch, where my recovery continues. By the time i am ready to leave Her (usually to go to work), i can focus as necessary to complete any tasks i may have, but i still have a very “rosy” outlook. All is right with the world and nothing bothers me. i am basking in the afterglow of the session and of being in Her presence and care.

i have noticed that for a period of up to a couple of weeks, my disposition is always better after i’ve been in subspace. If i go too long without subspace, i return to my ordinary disposition, which is usually a happy one but susceptible, as most are, to moods, minor irritations, and so forth. For a good long while after subspace, nothing much bothers me at all and i am in good humor almost all the time. This manifests itself in all facets of my life…even work becomes more pleasant, and i am certainly more eager to see and serve LadyH in whatever capacity i may. Don’t get me wrong, She always gets first crack at all of my spare time as is Her right (as loyal readers will recall, i am a part-time slave), but in the afterglow of subspace, it is even more eagerly sought by me.

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