Service

boy — Wed, 12 May 2010 15:58:41 +0000

i was once again reminded that i am primarily a service submissive. For the past few weeks, i have been unable to spend as much time as i would wish with LadyHotchKiss and tending to Her household handyman needs. There are a number of projects that have been suffering as a result. The play time has not been affected, but i noticed that i was not enjoying the playtime nearly as much. i think it had to do with feelings of guilt that i had not accomplished as much as i wanted to around the house. To be enjoying play time when there is work to be done just doesn’t seem right to me. But then again, play time is not about me or my enjoyment, it is about Her and when She plays with me, it is because She wants to, not because She thinks i want or need it. So there is a conflict there. i want and need to provide for Her amusement during play time and i want/need to serve Her household needs as well. When i am not serving Her household needs, it becomes hard for me to understand why She would want to play with me.

All of this is to say that i don’t think i’ve progressed as far in my development as a slave as i feel i should have by now. Intellectually, i know that what i want is not germane to my service to Her. That i am there for Her to use in whatever way She sees fit at the time. If that is as a handyman, i love it. If that is as a playtoy, i should love it just as much regardless of whether i think i’ve fulfilled my handyman duties. Once again, it comes down to acceptance. Acceptance of my role in Her life and the fact that She will define that role as She sees fit.

Yesterday was our normal play day, but She had indicated that there would be no play, that i was to begin to catch up on my projects. i was confused at that point, thinking i was being punished or that i had disappointed Her in some way, but when i started working on the projects, i felt my mood immediately lifting. There was a joy in accomplishing something needful to Her, that had been missing of late. Later that day, She wanted to try out one of the projects, which was installing medical type stirrups to Her table for use in medical play. She had me strip and lay on the table, then affixed my ankles to the stirrups. She then proceeded to try out the stirrups a bit more forcefully, using a particularly vicious paddle as well as slapping and punching my cock and balls. Throughout most of this, i was giggling in between moans and screams, enjoying the play as i had not enjoyed it in quite some time. The burden of guilt had been lifted from me and i approached Her sadism with a clear mind and heart, allowing me to give myself over to Her completely.

i thanked Her later that day for the time spent with Her, but i don’t think i knew at the moment exactly why i was thanking Her. i knew i felt grateful and wanted to express it, so i did. On further reflection, i have concluded that i was grateful because She recognized my need to be useful to Her and so made it happen. i am back on the path to becoming a better slave.

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A Humbling Experience

boy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:13:13 +0000

i have been in the lifestyle, both online and real life for about 12 years now, and had always been fascinated by a toy known as a “humbler”. Typically a humbler is made of carved wood and traps the balls between two layers of wood that are positioned behind the thighs such that it is impossible to stand straight. One must either kneel or move about while bent at the knees. It forces the sub/slave into a humble position, hence the name. For about a year or so, my Owner had been coveting a humbler. Not just any humbler, mind you…but an aluminum humbler. Her thought process was that wood was much too warm a product for something as delicate and tempting as a slave’s balls, and that aluminum could be kept in a refrigerator…or better yet a freezer…or even a cold room, and would give much better results than a typical wooden humbler. Well, as it happened, one of Her clients (thanks bunches, Joseph!) just happened to spy one (or was it pointed out to him by LadyH???), for sale at this years DomCon in Atlanta, and merrily purchased it for Her, hoping to gain favor (i assume) and not giving thought one to others of us who might be “allowed” to experience the beneficence of his gift. This past week, i had the rare opportunity of experiencing this particular humbler myself.

Our session started, as always, by LadyH instructing me to go to the dungeon and get naked. She had told me She was going to use all the new toys She had accumulated since DomCon, including the humbler. When i got downstairs, the first thing i did was go to the humbler and pick it up. Please keep in mind that the dungeon is the coldest room in the house and the space heater down there doesn’t really do a lot to help that. But it does provide a warm surface. When i picked up the humbler, i was stunned to feel how cold the damn thing was! It felt as though it had just come out of the freezer and just about that time, i had my brainstorm! i could place the humbler atop the space heater and warm it up a bit before LadyH came down!!! What a grand idea!!! And so, i did. i put it on the heater, left it there for a bit, then turned it over and let the other side warm up a bit. After awhile, i heard LadyH coming downstairs and so, i picked up the humbler to replace it and was totally shocked at how warm it had become. Just as aluminum cools quickly and completely, it also warms quickly and completely. There was nothing i could do but put the humbler back in it’s place and hope it cooled at least a bit before LadyH picked it up and discovered what i had done.

Wouldn’t you know it, the first thing LadyH did was go directly to the humbler and pick it up. There came a look across Her face that is difficult to describe. Kind of like a cross between puzzlement, humor and anger. She then glanced down at the space heater, and back up at me. “You put this on the heater didn’t you?”, She asked. At that point, i couldn’t help myself…it must have been a nervous reaction as i burst out laughing. She took it in good humor, thankfully, but promptly put the device into the refrigerator (perhaps it was the freezer, i couldn’t see from where i was) and then, while it was cooling, attached me to the St Andrew’s Cross and proceeded to administer CBT in a most painful way while waiting for the humbler to cool. Apparently the refrigerator wasn’t working fast enough, so She then put the humbler outside to cool some more, while She continued to work my balls over. CBT has long been an affectation of Hers, but lately She has been concentrating more on the balls than usual and more painfully so. After a longish period (please don’t ask how long….when one’s balls are being tortured the only concept of time that enters the mind is “how much longer?”), She retrieved the humbler and, at long last, i had my first experience with that devious device. Let me just say this. i am very fortunate indeed that She kept me on the cross rather than getting me down and making me move about, or worse yet, stand up. i can readily see the potential for using this device in conjunction with predicament bondage, where the wrong move will force a pulling on the balls. i suspect, however, that the humbler will not be used overmuch in the House of HotchKiss. LadyH, i think, prefers Her balls and cock to be free-moving as She administers to them.

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Owned Boy » humbler

Service

A Humbling Experience