Owned Boy » Slavery

Still can’t believe it

boy — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 15:56:03 +0000

After all these years, i am finally collared! i’m still on cloud nine.

What’s that, you say?….you were already owned, so what’s the difference? Isn’t a collar just a symbol of ownership? Did you really need that symbol to validate your servitude?

To me a collar is indeed a symbol. But it’s a symbol of so much more than ” just” Her ownership. When i first surrendered to LadyHotchKiss, i knew that my submission was the first step toward slavery. That if my submission led to the conclusion that i was not suited for slavery that i would be released, but that if my submission was successful, i would become a slave, and so it has happened. In that sense, my initial surrender was an act of mine that led inexorably to becoming a slave. Yes, LadyHotchKiss was a part of the process. i surrendered, She accepted. Much like a gift… i gave, She accepted.

The collar, on the other hand, is Her gift to me. She gave, i accepted. It is a symbol of Her ownership, yes. But it is also a symbol of Her commitment to the relationship. It is a validation, not just of my servitude, but of my worthiness to serve. It is a tactile measure of the extent to which i have been able to please Her in my servitude. It is a proclamation that i am not just property, but that i am valued, even cherished. Did i “need” the collar to validate my service to Her? No. But i am thrilled beyond measure and will wear it with great pride at every opportunity.

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Something other than Sub-space?

boy — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 14:09:03 +0000

i’ve written before about sub-space and quite a large percentage of active submissives have experienced it for themselves. Some Dom/mes report entering Dom-space as well. Last play-time, i entered a whole new area of head-space which can’t properly be called sub-space but which certainly was out of the ordinary.Sub-space, for me, is reaching a state of sensory overload where my mind seems to go elsewhere (can’t describe it any better than that) and the physical sensations i’m experiencing, such as pain, seem to subside to the point where i no longer react as i normally would. The week before last, LadyH was experimenting with sounds combined with electrical play. She was stimulating my prostate electrically while using the sounds and the sensations were incredibly intense, but not painful. Without the pain, i was able to focus on the stimulation completely (able?…i had absolutely no choice, lol) . It eventually got to the point where my entire consciousness was focused on what what happening in my genital area…so much so, that i was completely unaware of anything else around me. Unlike sub-space, my mind did not go “elsewhere”, but stayed right there, tightly focused on what was happening. i can only describe it as my mind expanding to completely encompass, to the exclusion of all else, the sensations playing out at Her hand) And the physical sensations, rather than being dulled, were heightened to a previously unexperienced level. i can’t say that this new state was better or worse than my typical sub-space, only that it was different and was just as enjoyable. The aftermath was similar to coming back from sub-space in that i was not entirely aware of my surroundings and had to be helped from the table to a chair where LadyH coddled and cuddled me until i was somewhat back to normal. i am hoping that this experience will help me to more fully explore “letting go” during playtime so that i may more fully experience and savor the sensations playing through my body.

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Edge play and injury

boy — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 17:18:43 +0000

i was recently injured during edge play and need to get my thoughts on it down on paper, both for my own benefit and for the other participants. The injury is likely temporary in nature but could easily have been permanent. The injury occurred during a session of rope suspension where i was bound, hands behind my back and suspended horizontally and on my right side. There were three points of suspension with good weight distribution.myself, the rigger and Lady HotchKiss were the only ones there. The rigger was an acquaintance of mine and a good friend to Lady HotchKiss, and knew what She was doing. We had discussed the session by phone and i had researched suspension play online. Prior to starting we again talked about what was to happen including risks and possible injuries. Throughout the entire process, the rigger was completely in touch with me, both mentally and tactilely. She was constantly touching me, asking if anything pinched or hurt, adjusting ropes and knots. This was to be my first suspension and i was quite excited by the prospect as She and LadyH were excited for me. i love bondage and consider suspension play the ultimate in bondage. No matter how tightly bound, if one’s feet are on the ground, there is some sense of control that utterly disappears as soon as one is hoisted into the air. All this is to emphasize that we all knew what we were doing and accepted the risks associated with it.

The only indication that something might be wrong was a fleeting moment of shoulder pain that disappeared as soon as the ropes were slightly adjusted. The sensation of being suspended, completely helpless, was incredible! In that moment all of my senses were fully alive and i was soaring. It was only after my release that i realized something was wrong. My right hand and fingers would not move. At first i thought it was “asleep”, that the blood supply had been restricted enough to cause numbness. Unfortunately that was not the case. One of the dangers we had discussed had, in fact, come to pass. Diagnosis by a neurologist confirmed that the radial nerve had been compressed or crushed by the rope and was no longer transmitting signals to my hand.

The rigger, when informed, was nearly despondent with regret and has yet to decide whether to continue with suspension play. i truly hope She does continue. i cannot think of a single thing She did wrong and was, if anything, cautious to a fault. It was just one of those things. Shit does happen and often to those who don’t deserve it. i knew the risks i was taking and not only accepted them, i embraced them. Had i to do it over again, i would. If given another opportunity to submit to Her ministrations, i will. i trusted Her then, and i trust Her now.

The good news is that my hand is responding to physical therapy and there is no reason to believe i will not have a full recovery.

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Orgasm control – Part VI

boy — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 21:15:39 +0000

This is absolutely ridiculous!!! For months i have struggled with differing forms of orgasm control imposed by my Owner, LadyHotchKiss. i have wondered constantly if there was purpose to Her experimentation or whether She was just amusing Herself. i still don’t know the answer to that, and likely never will, but now that i have been released from all forms of orgasm control, and can cum whenever i choose to, in whatever way i choose…i find that i miss it!!What the fuck??? Did i actually say that??? Did i actually mean it??? YES. i don’t know why exactly, but i do miss it. i suppose it has something to do with the control She exerts over me with orgasm control. i do crave control, part of what makes most submissives submissive in the first place. And when i am under orgasm control, Her control extends beyond Her immediate reach and right into my most private moments. It is also a test of my obedience and devotion and each time i succeed at that test, i think of Her and say to myself “i do this for You”. i have fewer opportunities to please my Owner than a 24/7 slave does and so i relish each one that comes my way.

So now i’m in a quandary. Given that i miss orgasm control, do i ask to be returned to it? That is a two-edged sword that i don’t think i am quite ready to place in Her hands (as if i have a choice in the matter, lol). i may not appreciate at all the form which a new round of orgasm control may take. After all, never cumming again is the ultimate in orgasm control, and i most assuredly do NOT wish for that.

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Orgasms

boy — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:37:08 +0000

LadyHotchKiss requires that i report to Her each time i have an orgasm, so this time i thought i’d share with my readers. As most of you know, i’ve been undergoing a series of experiments at the hands of LadyH concerning orgasm control and orgasm denial which have produced some interesting results. One of those results came from Her requirement that i slap my cock and balls while edging. i came to realize fairly quickly that it produced a stronger erection and when She finally allowed me a release, it also helped produce and incredibly intense orgasm. Since then, whenever i am either edging (without release) or masturbating, i slap and punch my cock and balls as i do so. The pleasure/pain contrast is delicious.
So, this morning i decided i would masturbate and as is my habit, began edging while taking a shower. This included the slapping and punching mentioned, but i also tried pulling on my balls, which normally i hate. Once again the erection strengthened. i continued edging when i got out of the shower and while i was shaving, using shaving cream as my lubricant (i think there is nothing better than shaving cream on a wet cock as lube for masturbating). When i was finally ready to cum, i decided to continue the cbt while i was cumming and so, slapped and punched myself some more. Then i decided to try pulling on my balls while cumming. Big mistake. Oh, i came all right…but there was no orgasm! i ruined my own orgasm after waiting three days to have one!

LIVE AND LEARN.

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Orgasm Control – Part V

boy — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:21:39 +0000

This is the latest in a series written about my experiences with orgasm control and denial at the hands of Lady HotchKiss. As my readers know, i recently completed two extended periods of orgasm denial (at least they seemed extended to me, i understand others have gone far longer). The first of those lasted 74 days and the second was 49 days. The second was the more frustrating however because i was made to “edge” every day and to slap my cock and balls while edging. Once again, when it was finally over, i experienced a most incredible orgasm. i told LadyH at the time that it felt almost painful, as though my balls were trying to escape through my cock.This time around, the orgasm control is no control at all. i am free to release whenever and as often as i wish until further notice. Of course, further notice could occur at any time so i kinda/sorta expected that i’d be a busy little beaver, getting as many orgasms in as possible before that door closes again, but…surprise, surprise…i have gotten used to lapses between releases and except for the first day when i released twice, i really havent had much desire to release. And i also discovered that i missed edging and slapping my cock and balls so i suspect those will become a regular part of my masturbatory routine (unless, of course, She prohibits it, which i would not put past her oh-so-sadistic mind). At any rate, today i was starting to feel a bit horny and almost released during my shower, but at the last possible moment i realized that i am to see Her tomorrow morning, and as i never know what She might have in store for me, decided to wait. i can always take care of business after O/our visit. So today was a case of self-imposed edging, slapping and finally denial. She has completely invaded my mind.

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Names

boy — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 16:37:18 +0000

On this site i am Ownersboy. On another i am KnowmyPlace. Both names were given me by my Owner, LadyHotchKiss and both are meant to remind me that i am a slave. So what does that mean to me? or to Her? There seems to me to be a dichotomy in what my Owner desires in a slave. On the one hand, She demands intelligence, a thinking slave, one who puts Her best interests first, even if it means contradicting Her or Her instructions. She enjoys banter and appreciates wit. When interacting with a slave, She tries to integrate Her own wants and needs with those of Her slave, feeling that a M/s relationship is symbiotic. On the other hand, She tends to keep the slave at an emotional distance, not sharing private thoughts or concerns. When not in use, the slave is rarely considered when making decisions which may in fact, affect the slave. And perhaps that is all as it should be.

In my evolution as a slave, i am finally coming to know that i am merely property. i am there to be used in whatever way my Owner chooses. my primary function within Her house is as a handyman, but as Her slave, i am there to serve. Whether that be in performing handyman functions, cleaning cat litter boxes, washing Her car, or just in providing amusement, my purpose is to serve. Just as a good tool serves, or a piece of furniture, or any other possession. my biggest fault is in becoming too emotionally attached to my Owner. my attachment should be more to service, rather than to Her. Property is not emotional. A tool is not emotional, a chair is not emotional. These are just implements designed to provide service, just as i am an implement to provide service. Once my service is done, i can be put aside and not thought of again until needed or wanted.

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Orgasm Control – Part IV

boy — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:42:59 +0000

Yeah, i know, it’s becoming a fixation with me. But my Owner, LadyHotchKiss, keeps throwing more curves at me, causing me to experience it in different, even more intense ways. The last time i wrote of this subject, i told you that She had let me release and then immediately put me back under orgasm denial. (Orgasm denial differs from orgasm control in that under control, one is allowed to release under certain circumstances, i.e. once per week, upon accomplishing a known task, etc., whereas orgasm denial is just that…no orgasm allowed until and unless She relents).This time, She has made me “edge” right from the start. It is now 26 days since my last release, but i have to bring myself to the edge of release at least once per day. Then, a few days later, She threw another wrinkle at me. i now have to slap my cock…hard…at least five times when i am at the edge. i am still not allowed to cum. This is becoming very difficult to maintain. i have gotten so horny i am at the point where i would do almost anything to be allowed to release. Okay, okay…strike the almost. i can think of nothing that is not on Her hard limit list that i would not do at this point.
One of the things i have discovered about my cock, is that it is more painful to slap when it is flaccid than when it is engorged. When engorged, i can slap it as hard as i can and it is only mildly painful. When flaccid, the pain is much more apparent. i suppose there is a physiological reason for this that has to do with propagation of the species, such as…i don’t know…being willing to stuff a hard cock into a spike-protected vagina, i guess.

Twice since starting this latest go-round, and i presume it has to do with the edging and cock-slapping, i have had small releases of fluid. These are not orgasms, there is little to no sensation to go along with them, just an oozing of a small bit of fluid. Under normal circumstances, i see some pre-cum, both before and after i reach the edge, but this is different. Pre-cum is a clear fluid whereas this is a milky colored. And it does not have the characteristic smell of cum, so i suspect it is some of the fluid built up in the prostate that is finding its way out. Be that as it may, it offers no relief and i continue to suffer….for Her.

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Communication

boy — Thu, 20 May 2010 15:59:40 +0000

Everyone says it…”communication is the key to a successful relationship”. This, of course, is particularly true in the world of BDSM where a failure to communicate under the wrong circumstances can lead to serious injury, but still, it is a given. One of the building blocks as it were, right up there with honesty and openness. I’ve never had a problem with honesty and openness, but the communication part can be a challenge, at least for me.As my readers know, i am a part time slave. i have a regularly scheduled visit with LadyH on tuesday mornings and other irregular and unscheduled visits to attend to my handyman chores. The time that i do have with LadyH is precious to me and therefore, i am loathe to bring up issues or problems, preferring instead to bask in Her presence and enjoy Her company (even when She is beating me or kicking my balls!) rather than embark on any “serious” discussions. Usually when one talks about communication in a relationship, they’re speaking about serious communication where problems and issues are aired and resolved. Combine this reluctance with my innate insecurity and one can imagine how easy it is for my concerns to escalate, sometimes to mind-numbing proportions, before finally being brought out and resolved.

This week, however, i took the bold step and asked the dreaded question…”May i please speak freely?” to which She replied…”You may speak”. Careful readers will note the difference in wording. The last time i spoke “freely”, i let my mouth overrun my brain and the result was not good. So, this time, i carefully worded my concerns. i won’t go into the matter raised, but did want to write about the result. In the past, i have held on to issues much too long before bringing them up to Her. By the time i had voiced whatever concerns were bothering me, i had elevated them in my mind to such huge proportions that the resulting conversations nearly got out of hand and could have damaged the relationship. This time, i did not delay in expressing my concerns. As usual, my fears were unfounded, the concerns easily explainable, and putting them out in the open eased my mind and let me focus more on what’s truly important…my service to LadyHotchKiss.

i’ve always thought that insecurity comes naturally to a submissive…part of the mindset that makes a person submit in the first place. And being insecure to a degree is not necessarily a bad thing. It causes a submissive to want to please, to need to serve, to seek approval. But in the case of communication, i am learning that allowing my insecurities to prevent me from raising valid concerns only makes those concerns grow to unreasonable proportions, and in the long run become damaging to a relationship where there would have been no damage had those concerns been resolved more quickly.

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Service

boy — Wed, 12 May 2010 15:58:41 +0000

i was once again reminded that i am primarily a service submissive. For the past few weeks, i have been unable to spend as much time as i would wish with LadyHotchKiss and tending to Her household handyman needs. There are a number of projects that have been suffering as a result. The play time has not been affected, but i noticed that i was not enjoying the playtime nearly as much. i think it had to do with feelings of guilt that i had not accomplished as much as i wanted to around the house. To be enjoying play time when there is work to be done just doesn’t seem right to me. But then again, play time is not about me or my enjoyment, it is about Her and when She plays with me, it is because She wants to, not because She thinks i want or need it. So there is a conflict there. i want and need to provide for Her amusement during play time and i want/need to serve Her household needs as well. When i am not serving Her household needs, it becomes hard for me to understand why She would want to play with me.

All of this is to say that i don’t think i’ve progressed as far in my development as a slave as i feel i should have by now. Intellectually, i know that what i want is not germane to my service to Her. That i am there for Her to use in whatever way She sees fit at the time. If that is as a handyman, i love it. If that is as a playtoy, i should love it just as much regardless of whether i think i’ve fulfilled my handyman duties. Once again, it comes down to acceptance. Acceptance of my role in Her life and the fact that She will define that role as She sees fit.

Yesterday was our normal play day, but She had indicated that there would be no play, that i was to begin to catch up on my projects. i was confused at that point, thinking i was being punished or that i had disappointed Her in some way, but when i started working on the projects, i felt my mood immediately lifting. There was a joy in accomplishing something needful to Her, that had been missing of late. Later that day, She wanted to try out one of the projects, which was installing medical type stirrups to Her table for use in medical play. She had me strip and lay on the table, then affixed my ankles to the stirrups. She then proceeded to try out the stirrups a bit more forcefully, using a particularly vicious paddle as well as slapping and punching my cock and balls. Throughout most of this, i was giggling in between moans and screams, enjoying the play as i had not enjoyed it in quite some time. The burden of guilt had been lifted from me and i approached Her sadism with a clear mind and heart, allowing me to give myself over to Her completely.

i thanked Her later that day for the time spent with Her, but i don’t think i knew at the moment exactly why i was thanking Her. i knew i felt grateful and wanted to express it, so i did. On further reflection, i have concluded that i was grateful because She recognized my need to be useful to Her and so made it happen. i am back on the path to becoming a better slave.

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